a defining moment

29 December 2010: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year. 


This one's easy. Dave Matthew's Concert @ Blossom. June 25th, 2010.


Here's where I was in my life: content, but stagnating. Bored.


A friend from college, and Dave Matthews enthusiast, had been trying to get me to go to a DMB show for years. Since I've moved to Ohio, he has come to Blossom every single year (although, apparently he's done touring so that won't be happening in 2011) and John (DMB enthusiast, college friend) has texted (is that even a word?) me every single year telling me to get my butt to the show. He called me right before we left to tell me how excited he was and closed our conversation with, "don't forget to hippie dance for me!" Don't worry, John, I didn't.


Finally made it this year. Armed with my roommate at the time, Emily, we packed our cooler full of booze and hit the road (for the ten minute drive). Greg, my boyfriend at the time, wasn't interested in seeing the show and had previously sent in his absentee ballot. In retrospect, it was the worst choice he could have ever made as my boyfriend. 

The "parking lot" at Blossom was incredible. Their lot is really just a huuuuuge field of rolling hills. That day, it was absolutely packed with cars. So when Emily and I had boozed up sufficiently (and by "sufficiently" I mean I was toasted in one drink--and I even spilled half of it on myself), we took our roll-y cooler on the mile-long hike to a different area of the parking lot to meet up with more of Em's friends.

Enter Brandon, stage right.


His friends described him as this super easy-going hippie. Emily described him as "Becca-sized" (he's 5'5"...and, ahem, we prefer "fun sized"). Ok, so there was a brief greeting and introduction and I commented on his Om necklace (actually, I was highly intrigued because I don't know many male specimen with much knowledge on the subject and I have learned a lot about it this year) and then he trotted off to engage in discourse with a limo driver who had had a small guitar left in his limo the night before.


Amber (Emily's friend) immediately let me know that if I wasn't dating Greg, she would be setting me up with Brandon. My response? "I always keep my options open." Yep, I obviously hadn't met Mr. Right yet. Plus, like I said earlier...my life had stagnated. I was content, but borderline unhappy. I needed to start letting go of the things that did not serve me, as all of my yoga teachers constantly quipped. 


On to the show. I knew a total of two of the songs he played that night, but I enjoyed every single minute of it. I remember at the very beginning, Emily and I braved the pulsing crowd and walked from one side of the pavilion to the other. All I could smell was marijuana. All I could see were people truly living in the moment. Enjoying every sound, every word, every feeling, every movement. I remember thinking "why don't I have that?" It was like they had reached pure enlightenment and it was beautiful to behold.


When we got back to our group (up a couple of drinks, of course) Dave played the song "Ants Marching". It was the one and only song Emily wanted to hear. So we got up and danced together, and that's the first time I did it. I let down my hair and did my hippie dance! 


and there it was...my true self. Not only could I appreciate all those people enjoying life and the music that came with it, but I could feel it now too. 


The only other song he played that I knew was "You and Me" and I guess it isn't surprising when I say that it wasn't Greg I was thinking about. For some reason, Brandon couldn't find his way out of my head. Later on, I got to share my hippie dance with him too. When everyone had decided to leave, he stopped me to dance with him through the last song that was played, "#41".  When it was over, I turned around expecting everyone to have left, but there they were, watching us dance our silly hippie dance and patiently waiting for us to let the moment go. Emily told me "you guys looked so cute." Thanks Emily, as if my brain wasn't already in over-drive.


I don't think I have done any justice to all the points in the night that Brandon and I truly connected. There were some moments in the parking lot, there was a conversation about silly bands and Ganesha, there was a dance here and there. The whole night definitely had me reeling...and wondering why I was okay being just content Greg when I saw absolutely everything I valued in my life embodied in Brandon.


The after concert plans were to go to Keri's house (one of the girls in the group we were with) for a bonfire. Yes! I'm excited about this because it means I can spend more time with Brandon. When we got there, Emily and I poured one more drink for each other (I made her finish mine) and we sat around the fire. I guess Brandon was in pretty bad shape at that point, because he stayed for about 5 minutes and then got up and went inside. 


I never saw him again that night. He didn't even say goodbye.


(Hahaha, that last sentence is just to pour more salt in the wound for him...it did turn out to be a rough night for him, as I believe there were some upchuck reflexes involved).


The short of the long is, we did reconnect. I did break up with Greg. I haven't looked back once. I'm happier than I have ever been and I can always recall the feeling I get when I let down my hair and did my hippie dance, because I have Brandon by my side.

The Dave Matthews concert was my defining moment of 2010. What was yours?

Rreeeach for the stars!

28 December 2010: Achieve. What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.




Next year I'm going to start down the path to being a teacher. My 2011 achievement for me will be taking that first step...going back to school part time to get my teaching license. My mom keeps warning me, if I'm sick of my job, teaching should be my last resort. I've gotten used to the salary of an engineer and I won't make anywhere near as much. 


Mom, it's not about the money for me. True, I can continue to move up in my company and make more money than I would possibly know what to do with. But in this line of work, I'm only reaching a finite number of people. I've hit the ceiling as far as inspiration goes...and I want to inspire! I want to motivate!! Spending 9 hours in an office everyday just isn't serving me anymore! It's time to take the next step and begin my move into a new profession.


Being a teacher will allow me to spread my own joy and my own experiences to others, and if I can reach out to just one student, I'll have been successful. Being a teacher will afford me more time to spend doing things I love, rather than sitting in an office on a sunny summer day, staring out the window dreaming of fresh air! Being a teacher will allow me to impart my knowledge to others. Being a teacher will make me happy.


In the spirit of this exercise...I'm going to write down 10 new things/thoughts that make me feel happy, because beginning my journey towards teaching isn't the only thing in my life that will have that effect. These are things that I can feel and appreciate and truly be happy, even without my 2011 achievement!

1. Telling Brandon, each and every day, how much I love and appreciate him.
2. Finishing my second marathon
3. Spending time (face-to-face) with my mom, dad, stepmom, brother and baby sister
4. "Toes in the water, ass in the sand.." on a beach back home on Maui
5. Planting our garden for the summer
6. Learning something new
7. Seeing my plates used in surgery
8. Being outside...and practicing yoga outside!
9. Sleeping in and snuggling in bed with Brandon and Pele'
10. The purple sky at night when it's snowing

ordinary joy

27 December 2010 Ordinary joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?


About 5 months ago, a very good friend of mine gave me some very good advice. Happier than I'd been in months, I caught him up on my life, my new love, and all of the joy I continuously found in ordinary, everyday experiences. Eddie told me to hold onto those feelings; to take mental snapshots so I could always revisit that happiness, even when it gets lost.


Of the many mental snapshots I took this past summer, one stands out in my head. 


There is a short biking/running trail that follows the train tracks about two miles from my home in South Euclid. There was an afternoon this summer when Brandon and I suited up for our run (we were training for a half marathon) and ran out to catch a mile or so on that fun little trail. Heading east, the sun was setting behind us and casting a long shadow across the trail.


Click!


My mental snapshot was seeing our shadows run together down the trail that day. Something I love with someone I love. It's something we do several times a week, but I can always go back to that run to relive that joy. Even when it's snowing. Even when it's cold. Even when it's dark. 

Reflecting on 2010 and a vegan cookie recipe

Merry Christmas!


25 December 2010: Photo - a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

Brad Paisley Concert. July 23rd 2010. @ Blossom.


Started my day without going to work (woo!) taking a yoga class, spending time with my friends by the pool. It probably hit about 90 degrees that day. There was tailgating, jello shots galore, lots of pickup trucks and confederate flags were flying. 


As with most country concerts, there were about 7 different people performing, we made it in to the venue in time to see Darius Rucker, someone who I don't know, and then Brad came out. Not three minutes into his set, black, ominous clouds rolled in and the skies opened up. I think three of us (Brandon, Tanja and I) attempted to stay dry underneath a poncho for about 5 minutes before we decided that it just wasn't worth it. Maybe we could make it through one more song? Nope.


It was coming down so hard it wasn't even worth trying to stay dry. We just needed to make it out of Blossom before the parking lot became a swimming pool and no one could leave. This picture was taking on the mile-long hike back to the parking lot. 


In this moment, I was absolutely free of any care, worry, doubt...I was just in it. Completely in the moment. In the zone. There was absolutely nothing we could do about all that rain, so we just went with it. 






Now, onto the cookie recipe. I got home and realized that we didn't have any butter or eggs so I veganized it with some pumpkin and "chia eggs". I also didn't have the oats I though were in the pantry, so I subbed some crushed nuts. The pumpkin gives it a bit of a different taste, but they're just as delicious as the original. The mesquite flour is definitely the ticket for these cookies, it gives them a flavor that nothing else in the world (that I can possibly imagine) would give. You can find mesquite flour on amazon, as I found it impossible to find in ANY store.

Mesquite Chocolate Chip Cookies

About 45 cookies

Adapted from Super Natural Cooking (Ten Speed) by Heidi Swanson

2½ cups (330 g) flour
1 cup (160 g) mesquite flour
1 teaspoon aluminum-free baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
¾ teaspoon fine sea salt
8 ounces (220 g) pumpkin puree
1 cup (400 g) natural cane sugar
3 chia eggs (1 chia egg = 1tbsp chia seeds + 3tbsp warm water)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups (230 g) various crushed nuts (almonds, pecans, walnuts, etc.)
2 cups (360 g) chocolate chips

Two baking sheets covered with parchment paper or lined with silicone baking mats. Preheat the oven to 375F (190C).

1. In a bowl, whisk together the flours, baking powder, baking soda and salt.

2. With an electric mixer, beat pumpkin puree and sugar until creamy. 

3. Add the chia eggs until completely incorporated, then the vanilla.

4. Add the flour mixture in three batches, incorporating it as you go.

5. Mix in the nuts and chocolate chips. The dough is quite stiff at this point and if you’re not using a powerful standing electric mixer, you may wish to roll up your sleeves and use your hands, like I did.

6. Drop mounds, about two tablespoons of dough each, evenly-spaced onto the baking sheet.

7. Bake for 10-12 minutes, until just beginning to set. Err on the underbaked side, I usually go for 10 minutes.

Here’s a tip to help keep chocolate chip cookies moist when they cool: When you pull the cookies out of the oven, take a spatula and tap the top of each cookie once, very lightly, to flatten any peaks and level them.

Then let them cool as usual for the moistest, chewiest chocolate chip cookies imaginable!

and a few more pictures from my wonderful Christmas staycation:

To Rebecca. Love, your future self

21 December 2010: Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)


Dear Rebecca:


Don't allow yourself to become overwhelmed by having too much to do. Make space for the things that matter. 
Try new things and don't be afraid of failure.
Cook most of your meals at home.
Eat chocolate...lots of it. And grow your own tomatoes.
Smile even when you're upset.
Play the Chipmunks Christmas Song for your dogs, they'll sing along. Case in point:

De-clutter.
Most sunscreen burns your eyes if you wear it running, use Olay's moisturizing lotion with SPF 15.
Learn to let it go.
Be a sponge. Soak up everything you can.
Pay it forward.
and finally,
love.


xo, your future self.

(source)

I'm a little late to the party, but just stumbled across this website: http://www.reverb10.com/. From the Reverb 10 website: Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

For the next two weeks, I'm going to join the movement and use the reverb prompts to reflect on 2010 and doing a little self-exploration into my life and goals and plans for the coming year. 

Enter prompt for December 20th, stage left:

20 December 2010: Beyond Avoidance What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

I should have competed in a sprint triathlon this year (specifically, the Portage Lakes Triathlon in September). Will I eventually do it? Yes. In 2010? Not likely (considering the year is 2 weeks from being over and there is SNOW all over creation). 

Competing in a triathlon has been suggested to me several times by various people in my life. My biggest reservation is fear of the unknown. I have no idea how the logistics of a triathlon work. Give me any run-of-the-mill (no pun intended) marathon or half marathon and I'm as comfy as a crab to race again and again. I just show up at the starting line and run until I make it to the finish. 

A triathlon is a whole different animal.

What do I wear for something that requires me to swim, bike and run in one fell swoop? Can I just leave my biking shoes at the transition area when I switch to my running shoes? How do I swim with hundreds of other people around me? How far can I actually swim in open water? 

These questions instill immeasurable doubt in my mind. Isn't that silly? I think Zach Gill (of ALO) sums it up pretty well "... find the strength to move from love and not from fear"

Why in the world wouldn't I train and compete in this incredible even simply because I'm scared? That, my friends, is moving from fear. So, I'm not so sure if I'll be ready to try a tri in 2011 (I think I'd like to get a few more marathons under my belt!) but it's going to be on my pre-30th birthday bucket list.

What is something that you avoided doing this year? What can you do to help overcome your doubts and (in the wise words of Nike) just do it?